I am finally here to defend long-distance relationship (LDR)! I have heard so much stereotypical ideas about LDR and frankly I am not surprised at all, some are actually amusingly scary. LOL. Someone once said to me - "LDR is not a 'real' relationship, it's just a temporary fun to be excited about". A 2018 survey found that 60% of long-distance relationships last. Academic researchers report that 37% of long-distance couples break up within 3 months of becoming geographically close. Couples are just as likely to break up during the distance phase as they are after distance ends. The percentage sounds pretty convincing to me, 60% is a high rate... it does encourage (sometimes...). I did not have any stereotype nor judgement for LDR, I did not have any idea about LDR, I did not have friends who were in LDR to share information with, I did not know how people can get together without being physically presence. Guess what.. your girl I, have been in a LDR for two years with the most precious human ever. It is the toughest path yet, but the best decision I have ever made in in my life!
Reality is cruel, when I announced my relationship with my friends and family, no one was 100% positive about my decision. I understand people were just being realistic, and concerning my situation with mental health. I was pretty upset that I did not get supportive feedbacks, it did not mean that people wanted me to quit, it was just a matter of not getting myself in an awful situation if my relationship does not work out at the end. Gladly to say, my experience with LDR is filled more with joy than bitterness and I cannot wait to tell you why!
To suit your need, I will split the process into three parts:
Part 1 - "The Honeymoon"
Part 2 - "The True Colours"
Part 3 - "The Faith"
Part 1 -"The Honeymoon"
Welcome to the problem-free zone! If you ever noticed a couple looks at each other with sparkly eyes, they are probably in The Honeymoon period of their relationship. This is the period where new couple just started dating. A fresh and new beginning that you can be retarded as heck, meanwhile your boyfriend/girlfriend still called you cute (....cringe).
This period normally lasts for one to three months. I got to know Ruben more by learning his character and personality. I loved everything about him, his humour, his sense of fashion, his taste of music, his favourite genre of movie, his favourite football team etc.. As a LDR couple, we searched for ways to do fun things together. We did a personality test online [https://www.16personalities.com]to get to know each other better. Also, not forgetting to learn your partner's love languages [https://www.5lovelanguages.com], this has helped us so much in our relationship!
The Honeymoon was a special season, we were super busy in love, we would video-called everyday and spent hours together. People tend to only see the 'goods' in their partners during The Honeymoon. I could do whatever I want and not lead to any argument, just like I mentioned - "problem-free zone". I totally enjoyed The Honeymoon, writing about it brings back so much funny memories!
Part 2 - "The True Colours"
This is not a pleasant period I must say. THIS IS WHERE REALITY HITS YOU LIKE A TRUCK. Everyone knows the quote 'nobody is perfect', this will circle your head 24/7 during The True Colours period. According to human nature, once we get what me want, we start taking it for granted without ourselves knowing. I remembered crying eagerly over a BEN-10 watch when I was seven, but after one week of owning it... I did not find it special anymore, it then found its way to the trash can. Human's sinful nature works exactly the same way with relationship, you get tired or irritated by something or someone at a certain point.
I am not a person of patience, I hate it when I have to repeat something I just said, it is not of a big deal but this part of me brings nightmare in my LDR. Ruben could be asking me about something, since he is very detail-oriented, he would then ask me again just to make sure he has the right information. I used to get so upset with him, I was literally fed-up, thinking where is my cute boyfriend from The Honeymoon? From his side, too. There are also things he does not really like about me.
Soon I realised that my boyfriend is still here. It is me that has changed, I was behaving as I was annoyed by him, I did not adore a few habits of him, I did not like the stripped-shirt he owns, I did not like his choice of movie we watched. We video-called lesser during The True Colours, we were leaving some space for each other. It was definitely a brilliant idea to step back a little to avoid tension and it is completely normal for couple to do so. After we took a few days break, we agreed to help each other by learning to accept our imperfections. We accepted that we are different, despite how much we have in common, we are still very different in many terms! We realised patience is the key to The True Colours period. Especially in LDR, we try our best to avoid miscommunication and misunderstanding. Thankfully we are both very direct people, we reach out to each other immediately when problem arises. Sometimes we, too, leave each other space, to clear our minds, to calm down or to filter our emotions. We do not always talk immediately after a disagreement, because we know in that time being we could be overwhelmed with mix emotions. We will still text or send memes, most importantly we wait for another person to feel comfortable then we start digging in the problem, hence solve it! No one would enjoy miscommunication and misunderstanding, especially for LDR couple. We can easily ignore someone by not replying to his/her message. Instead, I approach Ruben that I am upset and not ready to talk yet. Meanwhile we make sure we get enough me-time before we start having a conservation to fix a problem!
We remind ourselves that nobody is perfect and everyone is different. We do not ask or expect a person to change, instead we find a new way to love the imperfection. I am just the way I am, Ruben is just the way he is. Even if we see The True Colours of us, we always choose to love patiently!
Part 3 - The Faith
Best part of the relationship, PERIOD. When a couple had been through thick and thin together, still chose to not leave each other. This is when love conquered all! Nothing can break your relationship apart if you have each other backs.
In my case, Ruben and I am both Christians. We value God's scriptures and His message to love unconditionally. Not only love must we shown our partner, also faith. Everyone agrees that "I love you" is a powerful phrase, try "I trust you". The instant boost of empowerment knowing someone gives his/her trust to you. While walking faithfully with God, we stay faithful to each other. We must not neglect our partner's faith in us! Backing each other up when one of us needs a recharge, give your words of affirmation will also be a good lift!
It was a long read, huh? I hope you find comfort reading my words. I appreciate to have experienced all these periods with Ruben, The Honeymoon, The True Colours and The Faith.
It is incredible to see how much we have grown since the beginning of the relationship. We pray everyday thanking God who has blessed us to be together despite the long-distance.
If you are thinking about going into a LDR, trust me it is not entirely easy! Of course there are parts I did not involve in my blog, or else it would be a three days read. These are just the highlights from my experience with LDR. If you are currently in a LDR, I would love to read your story, too!
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